Stop Stalking Her Social Media

Take a second and answer this question for me:

Have you ever stalked your man’s ex on social media?

This means ever searching her on Facebook, scrolling through her Instagram, or even having a friend stalk because you’re the new woman and she has already blocked you. If any of this is true, yes, you’re guilty of stalking.

If you answered no, YOU ARE LYING.

I wish I could answer no. I cannot tell you how much of my early relationship with Alex was wasted with me stalking his ex on social media. I would pull up her page looking for any evidence of Alex in her life.

What did he look like with her? How did they interact? Why was he with her? Did he take her on the same dates he took me?

I used to actually be bothered when we went to places and I had seen that they’d been there together. I mean, this is how absolutely ridiculous our woman brains can be. Did I expect him to never go to the movies again just because they had been to the movies together?

I would make up excuses as to why I was stalking her Facebook: “Oh it’s just because I need evidence for court”, “I just want to see what the kids are doing while she has them.” Those may have been true, but at some point it just becomes way too emotionally draining.

The new insecurities of being a stepmom can make you seem a little crazy, but you’re not.

It’s natural to compare ourselves to other people, but when you’re a woman coming into an already made family — everything becomes a comparison.

When you go to your man’s extended family’s house they talk about how different you are from the previous woman. They will talk about how he used to interact with her. They’ll talk about how they fought, how things “used to be good between the two of them.” The kid’s will talk about how differently you do things from their mom. You cook differently, you tuck them in differently, you dress differently, you talk differently.

Everything is different.

Which then leads your brain to wonder: If we are so different, how was Alex with both of us?

I can’t tell you how many times I asked Alex this question. That is so not fair to him. Can you honestly sit there and say you’ve never had a relationship go bad? You’ve never had a friendship fail? The only difference between my failed relationships and Alex’s is that he has proof for the rest of his life that there was a relationship: the kids.

So why are we adding all this added stress to our relationships by holding onto his past.

LET IT GO.

He wants to move on, you want to move on, and neither of you can if you are the one who is constantly staring at his ex wife on Facebook.

I can tell you one thing: he is not thinking about her. YOU are. If you don’t want him thinking about her then why are you bringing her up and reminding him? Just stop.

You and your man need to start building a new relationship so clear your search history and block that woman from your phone. We all know posts on social media are what people want you to see. They aren’t always the truth. In order to move on, you need to let go of what you think he had and focus on him being with you.

After all, it’s you he chose to give that ring to.