Not All Days Are Good
You know those days where everything goes right, the kids are great, and you just feel so overwhelmingly happy that you were chosen to raise these two wonderful boys?
Today was not one of those days.
Today was one of those days where you head to your room, close the door, and a few tears slip out because being a stepmom is way harder than you thought it would be.
Yes, we all have these days.
Today, we went in a downward spiral all because we were working on our schoolwork and trying to sound out the word “or.” When I say a downward spiral I mean hours and hours of fighting and time outs. ALL OVER ONE WORD.
This may sound crazy to some people, but to our family it’s just another normal day.
If you’re a stepparent it’s because for some reason your kid’s parents aren’t together anymore. This affects every kid differently, but in our house it hit our oldest son the hardest.
He was five when I met him. He still has memories of his parents being together and, unfortunately, remembers all the good and bad of that marriage.
Because of this, we struggle. Some days we are best friends and I am “the best mom in the world.” Other days I am “not his parent and can’t tell him what to do.”
I am definitely a strict discipliner. Being told “no” by my kids is not something I tolerate, so when he is in those moods I am already struggling to keep my patience.
He has a lot of emotional trauma from everything he has been through. He struggles with things he doesn’t even know how to verbally express. He worries about not being good enough and is used to adults who don’t stick around or keep their promises.
He has so much anger and we still haven’t found great ways to cope when these tantrums happen.
He has a bad relationship with his mother and subconsciously takes these feelings out on all the maternal figures in his life — including myself.
I know all of this about him, but in the moment when he’s not listening and fighting me I still have SUCH a hard time staying patient. Him and I are very much alike. We are both extremely stubborn and neither of us are giving in when we’re in the middle of an argument. Sometimes, it takes just walking away completely to be able to regroup.
Ya know what though? If you had asked me six months ago if I thought he would be able to get through a day without several timeouts I would’ve thought you were crazy.
If someone had told me a year ago that this little boy would spend his entire day attached to my hip, holding my hand everywhere we go, calling me “mom”, I wouldn’t have believed you.
We may fight more than I would care to admit, but man he is my best friend.
As I write this he is sitting next to me reading me “There’s No Place Like Space”. When he moved in with us full-time six months ago, he cried every night during reading time because he couldn’t read anything.
He has come so far. He has to deal with more emotions and trauma than any seven year old should ever have to. He is way stronger than I will ever be and I will always admire him for that.
Kids who have been through a divorce have been through a lot. While you’re trying to adjust to building a blended family, so are they. Think of all those emotions you are feeling, and imagine putting them in a child.
They didn’t ask for this blended family. They’re struggling just like you are. Remember that next time you’re trying to get thru one of your family’s bad days.
So, even though today we spent so much of the day struggling, I love him more than anything!
