I Feel Like I Am Drowning

For the first eight months of Alex and I dating I only saw the kids on the weekends.

There were four days a month I had to handle the back talking, screaming, and pure chaos that comes with raising two step kids.

Alex was in the middle of appealing custody and there was absolutely nothing more I wanted than for him to win full-custody of these boys. I hated going weeks without seeing them.

I knew the best thing for them was to be with their dad. I thought that as soon as they could get away from the toxic environment they were in that all the crazy back talking, and out-of-control behavior would go away.

I was so wrong.

We fought hard and won primary custody.

I went from dealing with the chaos four days a month, to dealing with the chaos every single day.

Sometimes I just feel like I am drowning.

When we won full-custody I chose to quit my job and stay home full-time with my stepkids. I took off a semester of college and completely devoted my time to being with them.

From the time I wake up to the time I go to bed my life is them. Sometimes I can’t even remember what I used to do before having kids.

Staying home full-time wouldn’t be so difficult if my stepkids listened to me.

Anyone else have the problem that as soon as Dad leaves, your step kids are like completely different children?

When Dad’s home, they act great. As soon as he is gone it’s like World War 3 in our house.

They choose not to listen, don’t want consequences, think only Dad is the boss (despite Alex constantly reminding them that is not the case). I mean it’s absolutely insane.

It feels like Alex spends half his day at work stepping out of meetings trying to calm down kids screaming, kids throwing things, fulfilling consequences I gave them.

I don’t think Alex can ever even fully understand how things are going when he is not here. As soon as he pulls in that driveway it’s a complete flip of a switch.

I think that’s what makes all of this the most frustrating. I know these kids can listen, they’re just choosing not to.

It’s not always this way. We do have great days. But gosh there are so many days the kids are in time-out, or I have to turn around from going out to fun places because we can’t keep our attitude in check.

I know some of this behavior is not entirely their fault. Thus, we spend so many days a week in therapy. But goodness gracious it is so overwhelming.

Dealing with constant court hearings, a high-conflict birth mother, poorly behaved kids, and trying to keep a family running smoothly is enough to make me just break down some days.

And, I do. And that’s okay.

Raising two kids that aren’t yours can be really challenging. They’re adjusting, you’re adjusting, and sometimes that means you are going to clash heads.

I would never want our custody situation to be different. I’ll take having the chaos every day for the rest of my life if it means having our family together.

But, if we could please fast forward to the day where my step kids learn to respect their stepmother that would be great.