Divorce Led Me To My Forever

The other day I was scrolling though my Instagram messages and someone reached out to me asking if I would share my experience with divorce. At first, I wasn’t quite sure about it. I have never written about my divorce story before. It’s not usually something I like to remember.

It’s crazy when I think about it. I never would have thought I would be twenty-three, and both divorced and a stepmother to two kids.

I don’t think anyone ever wants to be divorced, but growing up I knew I would never be divorced. To me, people who got divorced clearly weren’t trying hard enough in their marriage. Marriage to me was a commitment you made for life, and there was nothing that was going to get me to break that commitment.

Until there was something.

I got married just a few weeks after my twenty-first birthday. When things went bad between him and I, everyone wanted to blame it on the fact that I got married young.

Can I just pause for a second and tell you how annoying that is?!

No, I did not get divorced because I got married young. I got divorced because the marriage was toxic.

Looking back, I knew the whole time the marriage wasn’t good. There were days we’d go without talking, days where he wouldn’t want to be home, days where I couldn’t talk about my bad days because it would “stress him out.” I would make every excuse in the book for this behavior. “Oh, it’s just because he had a long day”, or “everyone needs time alone sometimes”, but that is absolutely ridiculous.

I was stuck in a marriage with someone who clearly didn’t want to be there.

When my ex husband asked me for a divorce we were living in Idaho going to college. I called my brother and he hopped on a plane with my brother-in-law THAT DAY to drive across the country with me.

I had to drop my classes that semester, quit both my jobs, and move in with my sister.

Overnight my entire life was changing. The future I thought I was going to have was swept out from under me and there was nothing I could do to change it. His decision was made.

I grew up in Virginia my entire life, so coming back to the place where I grew up, without my husband, drew a lot of attention.

For the longest time I felt extremely embarrassed. It was humiliating that the man I chose to marry decided that I wasn’t worth the commitment and asked me to leave. I felt like I wasted so much time loving someone who clearly didn’t feel the same way.

I read several books about getting past my divorce, and spent days ‘faking’ my happiness. I would go home at night and just sob because I felt unbelievably alone. No one in my family had been divorced and they just couldn’t understand. They weren’t a huge fan of my ex husband anyway and to them the divorce is what needed to happen (also not what someone who is getting divorced wants to hear).

It took forever to stop feeling this way.

Honestly, I probably felt this way up until I met Alex.

Alex changed my whole world. I have never been loved by someone the way Alex loves me. I didn’t even realize how bad of a relationship I had until Alex showed me what a good one is supposed to look like.

Our first date consisted of two people who were both coming out of terrible relationships. One of us even had children. Our first date was polar opposite of all the advice they give you. We talked about EVERYTHING, including our exes and what went wrong with our marriage.

I think that’s part of what made our relationship serious so fast. We cut out all the small talk and went straight to “what do you want out of life”, and “do you see a future with me” kind of stuff.

While I wouldn’t wish a divorce on anyone, seeing what a terrible relationship looks like has made me appreciate the man I have now an insane amount more.

I am thankful for a man who loves me, appreciates me, and puts me above everything else in this world.

So if you’re like me and stuck feeling embarrassed and humiliated after a divorce, don’t worry. Soon you’ll find your Alex, too. 🙂