Deep Breath. It Just Takes Time.

Over a year ago I moved into the house Alex lived in during his first marriage. I didn’t think much about the fact that his ex wife used to live here until the boys started mentioning it.

“Why is your stuff in Mommy’s closet?” “Mommy used to sleep in here.” “When Mommy lived here the house looked different.”

Okay, okay I get it. Your mom lived here. 🙄

For the longest time I absolutely hated being in this house. I felt like I was jumping into someone else’s home, and someone else’s family.

I spent the first several months living here re-doing everything. I changed kitchen cabinets, bathroom cabinets, door colors, boys’ bedroom decorations, living room decorations, our bedroom furniture, and anything else I could get my hands on. I wanted to make this house ours.

I realize changing all of this might seem a little unnecessary. Being a second wife brings out all these crazy and jealous emotions that you didn’t even know you had.

I remember cleaning out one of our closets in the house and finding an old note between Alex and his old relationship. I was so grumpy after finding it I didn’t even want to talk to him. I hated the reminder that I wasn’t his first wife — that there was someone before me.

I still sometimes think of all these firsts Alex has already had with someone else and feel so hurt. I wish we were experiencing a first pregnancy together, learning how to raise a newborn together, or buying a first home together.

These are all things I will be experiencing for the first time, but that he has already done.

Now if you’re not a stepmom you’re probably reading this and thinking it sounds absolutely ridiculous. Like I said, being a stepmom brings out emotions and fears you didn’t even know people had. No, they aren’t healthy things to think, but they also aren’t emotions that are going to go away overnight.

It takes time.

I finally can make it through conversations with the kids when they want to talk about their mom. I don’t feel nauseous when I see her name pop up on Alex’s phone. I do drop-off and pick-up all on my own — which I didn’t even do with Alex in the beginning.

Things I never thought I would be able to do became possible with time.

Alex and I have made our own memories in this house. The things Alex did and went through before we were together are what made him the man I love so dearly today.

So yes, you’re probably feeling overwhelmed and crazy with all these insecurities flooding your brain, but it does get better.

Just give it some time.