Building A Relationship After Kids

You know how everyone says a relationship suffers after having children? Well what if there are children involved before you even start a relationship? Is your relationship doomed from the beginning?

Heck no.

Anyone who has kids knows that it is a lot of work. From the second I wake up every morning to the moment I go to bed my focus is on my kids. Even once they go to bed I am laying clothes out for tomorrow, getting school lunches ready, packing book bags, cleaning up dishes, etc. Being a mom really does never end.

Sometimes, it can be really hard to remember that you did have a life before kids, and you still have interests outside of the children.

I can almost guarantee you that you and your man did not come together because of your common interest in his children.

So why did you guys first start dating?

Try to think about the things you used to do together before you were a stepmom. For Alex and me, it was eating out and going to the movies. We LOVE movies.

Before we had the kids full-time we could go to the movies and eat out almost whenever we wanted. It was so easy to focus on us and build our relationship because all we had to worry about was each other.

However, now we have the kids. WHICH IS THE GREATEST BLESSING IN THE WORLD, but it does make focusing on each other much more difficult. Obviously, we cannot go out every night or go catch a movie after work anymore.

So how do Alex and I work on building our relationship while spending so much time on the kids?

The biggest thing we have worked on is getting all those ‘extra’ things done before the kids are tucked into bed. Once we have tucked the kids into bed, it is us time.

We are still obsessed with movies, so almost every night we snuggle up and watch a movie together. We have even invested in our own movie theatre popcorn ingredients and popcorn maker to make it feel like we are really at the movies.

One of my all-time favorite things to do together after the kids are tucked in is sit down on the couch and just talk.

On our second date, Alex and I sat on his couch for hours and just spilled everything to each other. Every day since that second date Alex has sat with me on the same couch and asked “what was the best part of your day?”

This is my favorite question.

Trying to grow a blended family comes with so many challenges. So much of our day can be filled with negatives. Sitting down and asking each other to remember the best parts of your day is a great way to just refocus on each other and all the reasons why going through these challenges is worth it.

My blended family is my biggest blessing, and I was given this blessing because I fell in love with the most amazing man on the planet.

I never want our relationship to suffer because we have children.

So whether it’s snuggling up watching movies or something else, always make time for each other separate of your time with the kids.